Polished, Not Perfect: How I’ve Found Joy and Purpose Beyond Perfectionism
I recently went to a retreat in Costa Rica, and I can’t shake the experience. It was my first time attending a retreat like this—something I’d never done before—but when my friend Renee Dineen, and the creator of the Soulful Living retreat, invited me, something in my gut told me it was time to say yes. So, I did. And now, as I sit here, the memories of that trip are still swirling in my mind, blending with thoughts about my career, my family, and the future. It’s as if that trip cracked something open in me.
It wasn’t just the stunning rainforest, the sacred waterfall, or the sloths and monkeys we spotted in the trees. It was the inner work—the real, deep work. We gathered for cacao ceremonies, let the warmth of the bitter chocolate drink wash over us, and just allowed ourselves to be. No fixing, no saving, just witnessing each other’s journeys. It was intense and experiential, and it forced me to confront some truths I’ve been avoiding for a long time.
One of those truths? Perfectionism has been sucking the life out of me.
Perfectionism is exhausting. So much so, that I spent a lot of time reflecting about it in my book, The Beautiful Mess. The truth is, perfection requires an energy I just don’t have anymore. It’s a barrier that keeps me from being fully present, from stepping into my true purpose, from embracing joy. And honestly, it makes me smaller. It robs me of my potential, my creativity, and my ability to connect with others in a genuine way. But what if there’s another way? What if, instead of striving for perfection, we focused on being polished?
Polished, not perfect.
That phrase has been rolling around in my head since I got back from Costa Rica. When I think about polished, I think about confidence. About showing up as my full self, owning my expertise, and being okay with the fact that I’m not perfect—and never will be. Polished is about being in alignment. About feeling like you belong in the space you’re in because the truth is that you do. Polished is having command over what you’re doing and about showing up with a certain energy that says, “I’m here, and I know what I’m about.”
Perfection, on the other hand, is isolating. It keeps us guarded. Makes us hide our true selves. And prevents us from asking for help when we need it. It keeps us focused on how we’re not enough and the insurmountable mountain to scale to reach an ideal that somehow always lingers beyond reach. It’s often that old leadership mantra: “Never let them see you sweat.” But what if sweating is exactly what we need to do? What if showing a little vulnerability, a little humanity, is what makes us better leaders, better friends, and better people?
As I move forward, I’m trying to embrace this idea of being polished, not perfect. I’m focusing on the things that matter—like who I want to spend my time with, both in my personal and professional life. I’m building relationships with people who are willing to share openly, who support without judgment, who witness without trying to fix. These are the people who make me feel like I’m not alone, who remind me that we’re all in this together, and that community is what will help us create a more beautiful world.
So, as I reflect on that retreat in Costa Rica, on the joy I found there, and on the year ahead, I’m setting an intention: to show up as polished, not perfect. To embrace my imperfections, to let go of the things that don’t serve me, and to focus on what truly matters. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about being perfect. It’s about being real, being present, and being fully alive.
And that, my friends, is the real secret to joy (and living the beautiful mess of our lives).
