Women Professionals: Excessive Nodding and Apologizing Could Be Draining Your Authority

With the wall-to-wall meetings (both in-person and virtually), I have attended over the past two years, something has come to light that I knew about in the back of my mind, but with the various heads in boxes, has come right to the front.

It’s all the nodding and apologizing we women are doing. 

Have you noticed? 

In this post, I’m going to explain how nodding and apologizing can drain a professional woman’s power.

I am not a psychologist so I have no idea where this behavior comes from (and if you are one, please reach out in the comments and let us all know!). But I do know it is a submissive subtle behavior that can diminish your power.

Let me explain…

Nodding and Apologizing Could Drain Your Authority

So what if women nod while another person is talking? It’s a great signal that you are listening right? Wrong, what continuous nodding or even tilting of the head signals is that you agree with what the speaker says and are encouraging them to continue speaking.

This might not be what you want to signal. It’s the empathy side of nonverbal language, the opposite of authoritative. Please just keep an eye out for it.

I will tell you it’s difficult to change this behavior. I have to consciously “not” nod while another is talking.

And speaking of diminishing your authority, be aware of how much you apologize – another thing women do more often than men. By the way, I am not knocking men here, far from it, but the more we apologize the more it draws attention from others that maybe you truly have something to apologize for. When I hear women apologize, often it’s for things that aren’t technically worthy of an apology. For example, “I am sorry I didn’t respond to your email/text sooner.” 

Why is this a problem? Well, when you over-apologize, underneath it you feel bad or guilty about something you have done. This in turn can erode your confidence and we need all the confidence we can get right?

In Closing

If you are hearing this for the first time, it’s okay to start with a baby step and simply be aware of nodding. After you feel fully aware, it’s time to take action. Here is where Zoom meetings can help because we see ourselves on camera as well as others. If you see yourself nodding, just stop, or if you feel like you want to or even need to, resist. 

Same goes for apologizing. First, be aware. Then next time you have the urge to apologize, make sure you really have wronged someone else versus apologizing essentially for your existence or something you have no control over.

I’d love to get your thoughts on this. Leave a comment below and let’s get the conversations started!