How To Shake Off Mom Guilt And Face It Head-On

Mom Guilt. Every working mom has it in spades.

It’s mental, it’s emotional, and it’s physical.

I even had guilt about having so much mom guilt. I thought I should do what I could to let it go.

Guilt’s favorite time to rear its ugly head is when it’s time to travel for work. Like many career moms, I have an intense job with a hefty travel requirement. I remember going to the airport one Sunday night dripping with guilt – like seeping from my pores guilt. I had to leave my family as they were settling into Sunday dinner. I took one look at that picturesque table with steaming hot food and my three girls and my husband all at their place and all I could see was an ugly, empty chair – like a setting without the diamond. With a sigh, I took a tug on my roller-board and headed out to my waiting Uber.

Examples of Mom Guilt

Once I was out of the house, I tried my usual, regroup, and talk myself down, but this time it was just too hard. When I entered those big sliding doors at the airport, I felt like someone was standing on my chest. Tears welled up in my eyes as I went through TSA security. I pity those workers that night. They must have thought I was going to a funeral.

If you Google “working mom guilt’ you will see nothing but a litany of advice to help you get rid of it. There’s the “make the most of your time with kids” method.

• Be 100 percent present when you are with your kids
• Turn off social media when you are with your kids
• Talk to them about how awesome your job is

Then there is the “rationalization” method

• My kids likely don’t miss me as much as I think they do
• I am showing them what a great role model I am as a working mom
• A Harvard study shows that children of working moms are just as happy as children of stay-at-home moms

Finally, there is the gender rationalization

• Men don’t have to face such guilt, why should I?
• I have a great partner who is so involved so I don’t need to feel bad

Let’s face it. While these are all good ideas none of them actually removes your guilt. Which can make you feel even worse because you failed yet again, this time at managing your guilt.

Two Moms Share Their Mom Guilt

Many women see guilt as a barrier to moving their careers forward. Kathy W says “Guilt really trips me up as a mom who wants to work but stayed at home for a while.” She came to a point in her life where she had to pivot her career. She pushed through the transition from realtor / stay-at-home mom to career coach/business owner but through that process, she never did shake the guilt.

“I didn’t lose the guilt and self-doubt but I did become aware of it. This was a real shift. When it comes up, now I can focus on it. I call it what it is and question it. It’s the awareness of the guilt that helps me now. It starts whispering to me and I try to quiet it before I let myself spin.”

Paula G. feels guilt when after a long day at work, her stress overtakes her, and she brings it home with her. “Some days are very tough. I’m full of guilt. ‘Why did I yell? Why did I say no?’ ‘Did I need to?’ The guilt starts the minute they are born. Sometimes I just want to scream or hide in the bathroom until the feeling goes away.”

Wrapping It Up

There are so many flavors of guilt a working mom – or any mom – can feel. On top of that is the pressure to “not feel so guilty,” We need to lean on partners and other helpers in our lives – and we do – but it doesn’t mean the guilt goes away.

We might not shake those guilty feelings and I am here to tell you, maybe stop trying.

Instead, when those guilt monsters come calling, look them in the face. Acknowledge the guilt as Kathy does and don’t let the whisper turn into a scream.